Proof of life is real

One thing I've learned is that PROOF OF LIFE IS REAL. I get it & I feel SO loved. I can feel you thinking of me & sending love (THANK YOU!!!) and I can feel when I haven't updated you in a while. I SO appreciate all the texts, messages & cute animal videos that come in daily. It's such a beautiful thing. We are all so connected. Please be patient with me through all this as I am monitoring my energy closely and doing my darndest to flood my body with positivity and healing. So sometimes I dont feel like typing about all this as I feel like the specificity and details are just. too. much.

That said, here is another update and an invite for what promises to be a very special evening. October 10th is Tim's 60th birthday! We will be celebrating this special event in a few ways but the one I'd like to share is on that actual day. See invite at the end :) ... it's ok to skip to the end if you prefer. lol

Months and months ago when I was invited to partake in a group exhibit at the UWM Gallery, I had no idea the entireity of what would lie ahead, but I did know a few things: 1) I was thrilled at the opportunity 2) The show would be in October & named "Beautiful Bodies" 3) I would have free reign on creating anything I wanted in my own 10x10 space & 4) the opening night would be on Tim's Bday. It didn't feel right to celebrate by work on his day but Tim being Tim was perfectly ok with it. Who could have known how these past months would all unfold in ways we NEVER would have imagined. So I accepted the invite and left space in my schedule (mainly all of September) to start creating pieces and a concept for this show.

As the year went on, and work went on, I kept feeling there would be time but I really did not get ANY real time to think about it, much less put my hands in the clay until late August early September. And needless to say, this was an extremely distracting time and pretty much of a "life-shaking" month. I wasn't 100% sure if I should sign the contract or even start the work, it all was pending on each day and every test, office visit and proceedure. Something in me said, trust the process. So I listened & trusted the process. I also knew that this would be a time I would need my art the MOST. In this time when we were thrust into extreme uncertainly, I could pour my heart into all the positivity of something I knew like the back of my hand and with all of my heart. It is comfort to me and one of the things that keeps me sane, balanced and connected to a larger perspective. So somehow I knew I would all get it done. I could see it. And not only could I see it, but I was seeing me delving into an entirely different style and size of creation. As the concept started coming in I knew that it was unfolding very differently but somehow it felt right. So I trusted myself. After the diagnosis and in one of our super high moments, Tim and I went out and thrifted and antiqued 20 glass vessles. Just like that. It's like they were just waiting for us. I called Cindy & Sue to see if they had any glass I could take off their hands, but it turned out that this new adventure was moving faster than I could wait for. So I laid all the vases on the table in a rainbow form and chose the 12 key pieces. As the weeks went on, and as my full time "health job" got busier and busier, I used any free moments to sculpt, concept or gather supplies. One night in the midst of a very turbulent week Mason & Tim helped me hold the giant heart as I taped all the paper balls together to form the armature. It felt very comforting & symbolic. I wasn't 100% sure where it was all going, but I knew the momentum was building and It was healing my heart while other news was trying to (unsuccesfully) break it. There were a few times I felt stress with the pending deadline, and unlike my usual pattern, during those times, I chose to take breaks. pause & not add any more stress to my body (needing to heal) or our already oddly stressful life. This was confirmaton that I was learning and growing from the inside. Sometimes it takes something this big to really shake you to your core.

SO last week I learned several things all across the medical board. A call from the blood test the week before brought good news that my 48 gene test came in ALL NEGATIVE. I have ZERO genetic mutations for cancer in my entire body! This is big after two months of uncertainty and especially after learning too much about all the MANY types of mutations (including Lynch) from the genetic counselor. This also means that I have not passed a 50% chance on to Mason for this same mutation. So so great.

We met the oncologist Dr. Chaudry. Also great. She was very no nonsense and put me on the clinical trial with a pill that blocks the estrogen that is apparently wreaking havock in one area of my body. It will stop or shrink the existing lump in best case scenario.I started the pill on the 18th and have had ZERO side affects thus far.

I also had another ultrasound (this time at Froedert) that showed ZERO lymph activity at all. Also VERY great confirmation.

Our visit with the plastic surgeon was very positive. He had planned to "move things around" (as they put it) after Dr Kong removed the unhealthy stuff. This visit was very positive although a bit strange with having the Dr., two other interns, and Tim in the room while he poked, prodded and "moved stuff around" while I "hung out" in all my glory. LOL Either way we left laughing about it all.

Then the next evening Dr Kong left a message that she finally had gotten the MRI from Ascension and she'd need to change the plan a bit after seeing the scans. Ack. the waiting is the worst. Anyway I had a convo with her the next day and I'll have another in office chat with her this week to discuss more options & scedule the surgery for late October. Things are still fine. It's still doable but they need to take more that originally planned due to the "octopus" nature of this oncotype.

Shortly afterwards I had a long phone chat with Dr Loguidice (the reconstructive surgeon) and will meet with him again on the 6th. They are all working in tandem, which is awesome, and they are all very postive about hte full removal of the disease, they are also hyperfocused on breast conservation (with full awareness of healing first) which is also much appreciated.

We also met with the radiologist (sweetest DR ever) last Thursday who detailed all the options if I do indeed need her afterwards for any reason.

Then  I saw Jerry for intensive energy work again that evening (ahhhhhhh) He always gives great tips, tools and guidance. I have been waking around 4am for the past few months to fit in my extensive blissful self care routine. (This could be an entire post in itself! So SO much)

Next week I will see Dr Fox (my Primary physician) and Dr Kong and the following week Dr Loguidice. The even crazier thing with all of this is that all things considered (bloodwork, genetics, general health) more and more signs are indicating that this all may be the result of my clay or other supplies. Environmental toxins. Eeek. So as the month has gone on, and while I have been over here with my gloved hands in the clay, I am feeling (and signs are showing) more that this may be the case. So its this weird push pull with wanting to create comfort for myself by sculpting and using familiar materials while at the same time feeling slightly betrayed by my materials... If that makes sense. lol I've used strict precautions as I worked recently. gloves mask etc and I have to say, it takes something out of it for me (maybe it's the sensitivity that I crave from sculpting) so I will need to revaluate things once I am healed and back to a more fluid routine. But as of today everything is FINISHED for this show!!!

Just a few final tweaks and I will drop it off tomorrow morning and they will install it all per my instructions.

With all that said.... COME CELEBRATE WITH US!!! You are cordially invited to the opening of this show at the UWM UNION GALLERY (in the student union, 2200 East Kenwood Blvd) / Friday October 10th from 5-7pm / afterwards we will head out to Hollander on Downer (2608 N Downer Ave) to celebrate TIM with anyone who would like to join us. (Just give me a heads up on this so I can make a proper reservation!)

I LOVE you all and am beyond grateful to have you in my life!! xxoo m

UPDATE NOTE as of 10/8 - Surgery scheduled for October 22nd!